I just watched the German movie "The Lives of Others" at AFI Silver Spring. It is one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's a little like Crash in that it really develops peoples characters and shows how people can change.

What amazed me was how phenomenally complex each and every one of our lives can become. How did this happen? How did we evolve from animals who thought just of food and reproduction to people who can be so agonized by unrequited love or so touched by anothers sincerity, even if they have no relation to us, that we are compelled to believe in goodness and hope once more?

Tears streamed down my cheeks when CMS was hit by a jeep. I've had a very emotional day or two; I have been especially empathic. What's odd about my empathy is that it puts my focus so on "the other" that I care only about their condition. It feels very sincere. In some ways, it makes me profoundly happy since I am without the burden of blame we seem to so often place on others. I wonder why we do that? Why do we need to be angry at others? Just to make ourselves feel important enough that we can be done an injustice?

Back to empathy. I listened to my album The American Dream today in Jen's car. Its the first time I've heard it on speakers in a very long time. I liked most of it. I was touched by some of it, too. I could feel the pain expressed in the songs, just as I can feel the pain of those who suffer in 2pac's. I arrived while Dear Mama was playing; I couldn't get myself to leave. I think that song reminds me of what I should be.

The discussion on inter-racial relationships during Community Roots was great. The get-together at the Dans' afterwards was even better. I had some great conversations with a bunch of people. Tawmi (if I'm spelling her name correctly) at first was arguing with me. She even left the conversation. But later in the night we were having some pretty profound conversations.

I felt a companionship last night that I haven't felt for a very long time. What made it even more intense was that I felt like I was with enough phenomenal hearts and minds in that one room that I could spend my life studying them and never feel I had learned all I could from them. I wanted to write notes to each of them expressing just why I thought so much of them; I wish I had.

My memory has been uncooperative recently. I have forgotten even friends names and feel out of place at times. I have been eating well and drinking plenty, so I don't know what the cause is.

Anyways, time to go. I have an infinitely complex world to engage with. Just wish I could get back to college park and enjoy another night of fun with Community Roots.